thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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