Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
