Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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