So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i came on her dog
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
