Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
