she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
