Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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