is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
