turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
