just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
