What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
