So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
