Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
