the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
