After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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