i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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