I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
