Im at strip club and am horny
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
