North Korea, Best Korea!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
