she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
