Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
