Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
