Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
