Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
well you can't waste a boner
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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