remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
