I forgot how hot balto sounded
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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