wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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