goodnight i made you a song goodbye
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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