Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
