New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You don't make any sense
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