"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
