His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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