wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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