My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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