Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
