The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
