Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
