I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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