I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
