I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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