i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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