I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
