carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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