I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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