Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
