They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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