Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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