No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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