Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
