people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
