I think my vagina is haunted
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
