NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
