lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
