Jerry, you need to find god
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
