Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
as a side note pls kill me
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