i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
