i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
